This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
