My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
