I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
