I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
