come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
