i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
