Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
