): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..