Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
