New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today