Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night