Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!