Little spoons don't ask big questions
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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