I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
