I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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