Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
