South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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