just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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