My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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