M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..