You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.