ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
