Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?