WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads