I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.