there's paper in my vomit.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
