Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
