can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
