i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
