please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
