So drunk its hurt
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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