I hope mine doesn't look like that
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
