That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
