i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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