the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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