hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
