So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
