Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
