he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
