And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
