Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
