you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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