I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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