I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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