You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
