I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Every concussion has its silver lining
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
