I'm so fucking centered right now
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
