i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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