You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
