i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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