So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Boobs speak an international language.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
