Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize