He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
