I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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