I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
