Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't tell me you're on acid again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
