I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
