I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
