this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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