he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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