Pants 0. Shit 1.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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