I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
