I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
