he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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