We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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