You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
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I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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