Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
