I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
