do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
