everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
