I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
